It's so hard to have your heart walking around outside your body!

I love Lucy. So incredibly much. A great friend is up the duff (hehehe)(sucker lol) and it has really got me thinking. I love my daughter, what can I do to make her life better? I used to say it everyday for the big-ex. I would wake up each day and think 'what can I do today that will help you out - make your day a bit easier?' Every day I would find one more thing that I could do for him, or do to help him. I have never really done that with my daughter. Perhaps because I know she is stuck with me? That she will never leave? I know obviously that one day she will, and I would like her to leave me as the best possible person she can be at the time.

So, starting from today I am implementing changes into our lives. More good food, more art, more bike riding downstairs. I need to find another mothers group - I have nearly lost contact with mine as they are all on their second babies, busy and absent from my more simple life. Lucy is good hearted, intelligent (smarter than me already... and I have several examples I can give for this statement), and polite. What a great canvas to work with her on! It is strange, because you think that you know what love is, but until you have a tiny child that is yours to care for and protect - you have no CONCEPT of the power.

You know that feeling where you think your heart is bursting with love? Have a child and you will have it every day. Even on the bad days!! (Lucy cried in the car from Joondalup to Perth today because I said we had to get off the moving plane in the shopping centre{who the f*** invented those BTW???}-and I still have those feelings!!)

You know that feeling where you would die to protect the one you love? Have a child and you would of course die to protect them, but you will also LIVE your life to protect them, to nurture them.

"I will carry your first cry wherever I go" - Paula D'arcy

"No one tells you that the change is irreversible. That you will feel in your heart every pain, every loss, every disappointment, every rebuff, every cruelty that she experiences life long." - Pam Brown


I had Lucy, and I stopped wondering about the meaning of life, because I held her in my hands.